Long ago, when a girl became a bat mitzvah or a boy became a bar mitzvah, the ceremony was simple and sparing: with a Torah reading, a speech of gratitude, and a handful of other customs, the celebrant assumed the spiritual responsibilities of an adult.
Today, the bat/bar mitzvah ceremony is just the tip of the iceberg. These coming of age celebrations are big and loud, costing nearly as much as a wedding. Modern parents may be unprepared for the expectations associated with bat/bar mitzvahs, which tend to be more lavish and sophisticated than the parties they enjoyed in their youth.
In order to give budding teenagers the celebrations they deserve, parents should prepare well in advance for their children’s upcoming bat/bar mitzvahs.
3 Years Before
Establishing ties with a local synagogue is one of the most important tasks for Jewish families. Not only does the temple generate a strong, supportive community, but it connects Jews with their spiritual leaders, who can instruct them on any and every religious step — especially the complicated and important ritual of the bat/bar mitzvah.
Long before kids turn into teenagers, Jewish parents should learn as much as possible about the necessary steps of the event. Most rabbis are more than eager to talk with parents of young children about their impending coming-of-age. They will explain their particular requirements for the ceremony, which may in fact vary, and they will provide a workable time frame for parents and kids.
At this stage, parents can also begin budgeting for the event. Expenses will certainly add up fast — venue, caterer, musical entertainment, attire — so it is best to know how much money there is to work with before any plans are made.
After finances are decided, parents can approach their kids and begin discussing possible styles and themes for the affair, but the adults should remember that a lot happens during three years of a child’s life, so current desires are bound to change.
1 Year Before
Children participating in the ceremony usually begin instruction at least a year before. Every week, Jewish children preparing for their bat/bar mitzvahs learn important Jewish cultural and religious traditions; many lessons teach the basics of the Hebrew language and explain the troubled history of Jews around the world. The goal is to prepare little men and women for their coming of age in the spiritual community.
A significant part of the bat/bar mitzvah experience is a project or service that contributes to the community.
Meanwhile, working with the star of the party, parents should develop a concrete theme and organize necessary elements to fit the style and budget. Parents should have firm commitments from venues, caterers, and entertainers for the upcoming event.
For the most part, modern bat/bar mitzvahs are big and loud, which means that kids and their friends need ample space to celebrate the occasion. These party halls in Los Angeles are excellent examples of what the event needs.
6 Months Before
At this point, Jewish parents and children should begin deciding specific details about the party. The guest list should be complete, and invitations should be sent out. Table centerpieces should be designed and ordered.
Order guest books, or the more kid-friendly sign-in board — on which friends and family can write short messages of love and encouragement for the child to hang up and admire later. Basically, everything should be bought and paid for to reduce stress in the coming months.
2 Months Before
Jewish children should be practicing their ceremony and speech at home in addition to their weekly lessons. Parents can help their kids rehearse, with all the tools the budding teenagers need to complete the ritual; parents can also aid in the composition process, but they should try to take a backseat and let their children say exactly what they want to.
The modern mitzvah is nearly the equal of senior prom or even some weddings, which means most coming-of-age kids desire special treatment. Hair and makeup appointments should be scheduled around this point, and parents and kids should begin to coordinate looks.
As the days pass and the event becomes closer and closer, parents should continuously confirm the details they scheduled so many months ago. Venues and entertainers should have the correct date, and the caterer should know the exact menu expected. Eventually, the ritual will take place, boys and girls will become men and women, and families can celebrate in style — as long as they planned appropriately.